Gussie Gold and the mystery of whatever it is she’s knitting

I read Catch-22 and Good as Gold years and years ago, and now that I’ve picked up Gold again, Heller‘s brilliant brand of American-Jewish humour has hit me all over again in the funny bone of my brain.

Excerpts from chapter one, where he’s talking about his stepmother, Gussie Gold:

She was always knitting thick white wool. When he complimented her once on her knitting, she informed him with a flounce that she was crocheting. When he inquired next time how her crocheting was going she answered, ‘I don’t crochet. I knit.’


Gold’s stepmother was knitting an endless strip of something bulky that was too narrow to be a shawl and too wide and uniformly straight to be anything else. It was around six inches broad and conceivably thousands of miles long, for she had been working on that same strip of knitting even before her marriage to his father many years before. … She never wanted for wool or for depth inside her straw bag into which the finished product could fall. The yarn came twitching up through one end of the opening in her bag, and the manufactured product, whatever it was, descended, perhaps for eternity, into the other.


‘What are you making?’ he’d asked her one time out of curiosity that could no longer be borne in silence.
‘You’ll see,’ she replied mysteriously.
He consulted his father. ‘Pa, what’s she making?’
‘Mind your own business.’
‘I was only asking.’
‘Don’t ask personal questions.’

Love. Laugh. Knit.

To be continued…


4 thoughts on “Gussie Gold and the mystery of whatever it is she’s knitting

  1. rowena

    But don’t forget the Roald Dahl story that ends with a husband impaling his wife on the end of her knitting needles just to stop the interminable clicking.(!)

    1. Nice piece of work Post author

      Nice one, I think that image will stay with me all day now :(
      Luckily it’s just a single hook with crochet so there is no clicking at all – so I have had to come up with other ways to annoy those around me.
      On another note – Roald Dahl was a horrible man and deeply anti-semitic. I hope his after-life is spent in a virtual Coney Island in the 1940s.


Thoughts or comments? You can tell me :-)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s