Christmas market pickpocketing

I just came across this post about Christmas pick pockets, and it set off a weird scenario in my head…

PickPocket#1: Wow, what a fab market. So much stuff!
PickPocket#2: Yeh, awesome. Check what I got – a baby mobile with hand-quilted anteaters. Wasn’t easy getting it up my sleeve but the handstitching is worth it.
PP#1: Tracy will absolutely luuuurve that. I got her something, too, for the baby’s room – look, a crocheted blanket in purple and limes with orange pompoms round the edges.
PP#2: No! OMG! She will die of joy! Where did you find that???
PP#1: You see that woman over there with the dreadlocks? She had it in her carrier bag. She also had this –
PP#2: A photo frame made out of beer bottle lids and empty marmite jars? No way!!! There is no limit to people’s creativity these days.
PP#1: I know. And if you turn it upside down, it opens out into a garlic crusher.
PP#2: Funny you should say that, there’s a chap over there selling garlic crushers that he’s turned into earring holders. I thought of nicking one but then I really only had room in my bra for this funk-my-phone cover with neon skull design.
PP#1: Yeah, but you can’t go wrong with one of those. I hope that clanking sound isn’t bothering you?
PP#2: What is it? Wait! Let me guess! You saw those liqueur bottles with fairy lights inside?
PP#2: haha, I couldn’t resist. I took two, got one in each sock. Will be so divine for the dinner table. Unless I can palm them off to Stinky Sam, you know how he loves sparkly things. Might be worth a couple of quid, whatcha think?
PP#1: Yeh, give him a bell. He’s a magpie, that Sam. And he’s been at the Claremont Festive Fun Day today so he probably hasn’t seen these yet – unless he’s been surfing Etsy. You ready to go?
PP#2: Nearly, I just want to see if anyone’s bought that silver teacosy embellished with peacock feathers and baboon teeth – it had such an authentic African look. Ooh look, I can see a peacock feather sticking out of that man’s basket!!! Distract him for me, won’t you, just for a second…

Alan Coren would be turning in his grave.

To be continued…

14 thoughts on “Christmas market pickpocketing

  1. rowena

    So many unusual things to nick! But more to the point, what on earth can you have been searching to come across a domestic news report from Birmingham? The wonders of the internet, again!

  2. Tamara Gonzales


    Ok, now I’m ROFL (not literally or I wouldn’t be able to get up but you know what I mean) with tears. Thanks for starting my day off with a good laugh.



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