keeping a straight face

from yesterday’s market in Edgemead…

Woman [who’d just bought a hat from me to her friend after I’d taken her photo]: My face looks fine in it but look at my boobs, they’re down to my waist.
Friend: They are a bit. Better ask this woman if she’ll crochet you a bra as well.

Woman [to husband after spraying her arm with fake Chanel No 5]: This is quite nice, what do you think?
Husband: I think you should shower.

Woman [to me]: None of your hats stand up enough in the front. I need height.
Me: …you mean, like a top hat?
Woman: No, just up more. These are too flat. If I bought one I’d have to do a lot of work to it.
Me: Yes, you’d probably have to starch it.
Woman: How much are they?
Me: R100 each.
Woman: Well, they’re all wrong for me. When are you having a sale?

Woman [to me]: I’d like to get one of these fish hats for my niece’s birthday. Could you make one in autumny colours with some blues in?
Me: Sure.
Woman: But I don’t like the fins. Could you leave off the fins?
Me: Okay.
Woman: And I don’t like the tail, it’s too long and pointy.
Me: Tails are like that, really. 
Woman: Yes but she won’t like it. And the eyes, they look funny. 
Me: Okay, a fish hat with no fins, no tail, and no eyes. No problem.

Prerequisite for dealing with the public: ability to keep a straight face. At all times.

41 thoughts on “keeping a straight face

  1. Eleanor

    I will never qualify to work with the public if a straight face is required at all times!
    Thanks for brightening a dull, cloudy day :-)

  2. Tina M

    Thankfully reading about working with the public does not require a straight face! Only need access to bathroom since laughing so hard, could result in accident of nature! LOLROF (…Rolling On Floor)

    1. Nice piece of work Post author

      Yes, indeed, “sigh”!!! Not much to admire, I sell at markets to bring in an income so I have to put up with the weirdos :-) My tongue has a bit of a hole on the left, though, from where I bite it regularly.

  3. Winter Owls

    Hilarious post Jill! I think you’re very brave doing so many markets, I got a bit put off by some customers comments such as ” I could make this”. Well yes, you could, but will you?(thought inside my head). My favourite customer though, was Mr Owl Sniffer. He read that my owls were made from upcycled jumpers, which I stated were all washed first. He then proceeded to sniff them all!!!

    1. Nice piece of work Post author

      I have to do them, Jennifer, it’s my main source of income – so I put up with the oddies. I used to have a shop and, frankly, some shop customers are no less odd than market “sniffers”. Good for a laugh, i guess! (PS. Sniffers is my new word, thanks for that). :-)

  4. narf77

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! And THIS is why I don’t deal with the public much because I wouldn’t have been able to not burst out laughing ;). Kudos to you that you kept a straight face. What is it with “people” that they are so unlike us eh? ;) Oh, by the way, cheers for following theroadtoserendipity I love new readers that I can indoctrinate. Looks like you might already be halfway there… ;)


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