from yesterday’s market in Edgemead…
Woman [who’d just bought a hat from me to her friend after I’d taken her photo]: My face looks fine in it but look at my boobs, they’re down to my waist.
Friend: They are a bit. Better ask this woman if she’ll crochet you a bra as well.
Woman [to husband after spraying her arm with fake Chanel No 5]: This is quite nice, what do you think?
Husband: I think you should shower.
Woman [to me]: None of your hats stand up enough in the front. I need height.
Me: …you mean, like a top hat?
Woman: No, just up more. These are too flat. If I bought one I’d have to do a lot of work to it.
Me: Yes, you’d probably have to starch it.
Woman: How much are they?
Me: R100 each.
Woman: Well, they’re all wrong for me. When are you having a sale?
Woman [to me]: I’d like to get one of these fish hats for my niece’s birthday. Could you make one in autumny colours with some blues in?
Woman: But I don’t like the fins. Could you leave off the fins?
Woman: And I don’t like the tail, it’s too long and pointy.
Me: Tails are like that, really.
Woman: Yes but she won’t like it. And the eyes, they look funny.
Me: Okay, a fish hat with no fins, no tail, and no eyes. No problem.
Prerequisite for dealing with the public: ability to keep a straight face. At all times.