Tag Archives: bikini

in my face

The first time I was at the Made in the Cape artisan market in Cavendish, my stand was positioned in front of Wolf Jewellers. Not only could I not afford a single thing in the shop even if I sold my house, my body and my mother, I had this arrogant son-of-a-gun in my face for four days in a row admonishing me not to crack under pressure. Easy for you to say, dude.


Last week’s one was worse. I had to stare at this woman for four days:


Surely they’d sell more stuff if the models looked like real-life humans, that the rest of us could actually identify with? Oh wait, stupid me – if I buy that bikini, I will look just like her.  I will be her, in fact – young, firm, tanned and sexy with a visible space between my taut thighs, on my way to join the arrogant pointy man from the jewellers for a dry martini at the exclusive bar that overlooks Sydney’s Bondi beach. And I won’t even have to pay for it myself. Which is just as well because the bikini alone wasn’t cheap, let alone the cost of the ticket to Australia….


a three-market weekend

An exhausting weekend has just been had by Jam Tarts – Rondebosch Market on Saturday, and Sunday was Kirstenbosch (Anne and Megan) and the River Club Boutique Market (Jill and Karen). We call it multi-tarting. Financially it was worth it but we now all have sunburned necks and aching feet…

I knew I’d be too busy to take photos so I left my camera at home, but I did manage to pick up a couple of good lines that are blog-worthy:

Woman: Oh, crochet stuff, my mother could do all this. And more.
One of us: Maybe she could join us, then, we could use the help!
Woman: She’s dead now.

Woman: Do you do repairs?
Anne: Repairs to what?
Woman: A very old cotton blouse.
Anne: [after trying to come up with an answer that wasn’t rude] No.

Other vendor: Wow, look at those two dogs over there. Those’re staffies.
Me: Interesting colour.
Vendor: Yes, they’re brinjals. Most unusual.
Me: Indeed.

Other vendor (on seeing our crocheted owls): Our monsters come with birth certificates.
One of us: Nice.
Vendor: And they’re bigger.
Me: Bigger than what?
Vendor: Bigger than these.
Me: Okay. But these aren’t monsters, they’re owls. [thinks: wtf???]

Woman [on seeing owls]: Are these doorstops?
Anne: No, they’re owls.
Woman: What do they do?
Anne: They don’t do anything, they’re just owls.
Me: You could glue one onto a brick, then it would be a doorstop.
Anne: Sssh.
Me: Or you could – [gets kicked by Anne]

Woman: This is a beautiful blanket. Must have taken ages to knit.
Anne: It’s not knitted, it’s crocheted.
Woman: I used to knit but I can’t any more because of my arthritis.
Anne: Maybe you’d find crocheting easier?
Woman: No, I don’t like crochet, I prefer knitting.

Woman: Is that R75 for the teapot and the cosy?
Anne: No, just the cosy.
Woman: But it’s on the teapot.
Anne: Just for display. To show you what it looks like.
Woman: But my sister needs a teapot.
Me: Well, when you find one for her, you can come back and get her a tea cosy to go with it.

People – they say the stupidest funniest things!

I’m off to Tulbagh this afternoon for a couple of days of peace and mountains and Tina’s three-week old kittens, will be taking my bikini patterns and crochet cotton with me. Also some Howard Jacobson and Carl Hiassen. Bliss.

To be continued…


This bikini business has become a bit of a nagmerrie, as we say down here (you’ve really got to phlegm-up the g and roll those r’s to get the full onomatopoeic gist of the word). What a mission.
I’ve tried so many different combinations of patterns and cottons and thicknesses and hooks and sizes that I’m in a quite a state. These photos are only the tip of the iceberg, and they probably give the impression that I’ve got it all under control, but I don’t.

Here are some attempts, shown on Miss Boobalicious. She’s a bit pale but on the other hand she doesn’t move much.






The white one is lovely but the cups are too pointy, and the centre point is too high up. The blue one is a lovely pattern and quick to make, but the same cotton for the pants would be too bulky, plus I don’t like the way they do the strings. Either find another way, plus use a different cotton, and then a smaller hook as well, or work in more rows….. argh. The halter-type top worked well and was really nice to make, but it isn’t what was originally asked for. It’s also too thick.

Anyway, I have two more patterns to try out, one courtesy of the incredible designer Cindy Kamps (who sent an old trusted pattern to me purely out of kindness) and the other from the Wonky Zebra in the UK, from whom I had ordered a pattern on Etsy and received an extra one, also as a courtesy bonus. What lovely ladies. I guess they understand – and you all will, too – what a BLOODY NIGHTMARE it can be sometimes to find EXACTLY THE RIGHT PATTERN…..

Rob commented innocently the other day, “Those bikinis seem to be taking a long time, don’t they, I thought they wanted them for this summer?”, but then he found it impossible to speak through a mouthful of yarn so he had to shut up.

To be continued…

super quick – like life!

A super quick post today, to satisfy my list of Things To Do – am madly trying to get my flat ready for Sunday’s Open Day (which a helpful neighbour picked up on and advertised on my behalf in our local e-paper – ack!) – but things are looking better already. I was even able to get into bed last night without first having to shift piles of fabric, buttons and crochet cotton.

A possible solution for an oversupply of buttons (Trish, this is mainly for you):

This is going to be my new hookboard for keys next to the front door. I seem to be wasting at least 15 minutes searching for my car keys before I rush out these days.  Now I just need to find hooks…

Bikini update: slowly slowly catchee monkey.

I’ve been playing around with sizes and patterns and different cottons, and it’s eventually coming right.  My “bikini contact” tells me that she knows of another shop in Cape Town keen to stock these, so I really really need to focus now.

And something completely irrelevant: these photos are on my bookshelves, and something made me look at them a bit more closely when I was photographing the button hearts.  My daughter at 9 months, and me at 25 years (with my lovely Nanna):   

Where where where does the time go…

Bikinis and hot water bottles

Odd combination, I know (but I told you, we have funny weather in Cape Town!)

First off, I’m experimenting with patterns for crochet bikini tops (and bottoms, eventually). The free pattern for this is here.

This is how far I’ve got, still on the first cup but it’s going quite quickly.

I’m using Vinni’s cotton Nikkim and a 3mm hook, but I might switch to a thinner cotton and a smaller hook – the size I’m doing says A cup, but this is starting to look more like a C to me.  And of course when it’s finished I will need a model… any takers?- because it sure as hell isn’t going to be me!!!

I also bought a pattern off Etsy last night, where the top is worked in rows across instead of up and around, if you know what I mean. It’s good to keep abreast of these things, I think.  One doesn’t want to be a boob.

Last week I found some mini hot water bottles on one of my trips through the craft/DIY wholesalers, and Anne decided to rise to the challenge. Here are her two first attempts at crocheted covers, which I think are awesome:


These will be on sale from Jam Tarts at the next market we attend, which is this coming Saturday 17 November at St Stephens Church in Pinelands. (This Saturday?! argh… why do we do this to ourselves???)

To be continued….